Genesis 2:23

…”And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh”.

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So today I had a moment, I was driving home and I started to think about where I am and who i have around me. I know I have mentioned this before, but there is this immense pressure for me to get married have kids and settle into this ‘wifey’ life.

But if I’m honest, I’m feeling quite chilled about the whole thing. It’s only because family and friends around me (like to remind me… constantly) that i am single and always have been (more or less…). So anyway I am reflecting about all of this on my trip home and then i instantly refer to Genesis 2:23, (We give God all the Glory). My Pastor has always said this verse is very important and i understand it as the first moment man chose his wife.

sORRY did yOu just Read whAt I SaidD??

Man chose his wife, God caused a deep sleep unto Adam because he needed a helper, a mate, a suitable, adapted and complementary suitor (adapted from the amplified version of verse 20) so why should i be the one stressing?

I mean yes i am guilty of taking things into my own hands at times, i.e online dating, blind dates, tinder swipes and the “random meet-ups” simply because I am trying to speed up the process, but really what can I do? I am guilty of forcing myself to like someone, laugh at their jokes and send an unmeasurable amount of emoji’s in the morning just to show my interest *shivers* but can I say I really felt they were the one?

Nope!

So to keep this short, Adam chose his wife and in verse 23 you don’t hear Eve say anything she was brought to Adam by God! I’m gonna need to highlight this again…

 

Genesis 2:22 – “And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman and brought her unto the man” KJV

Lets peep this in amplified…

Genesis 2:22 “And the rib or part of his side which the Lord God had taken from the man, He built up and made into a woman and he brought her to the man” AMP

The reason why scripture is so important to me at this very moment, because i am telling you it is so easy to give in to my carnal desires. I am so used to making my own choices regarding men (which have got me nowhere, if anything it has got me less than that, it has got me into a minus) -_-…

STORY TIME!

A few weeks ago i rekindled a friendship with an old friend, we used to work together but fell out (not going to go into details here) but made up. Now she is in a happy relationship and honestly i am happy for her, when we were talking though she must have read desperation or deficiency in my face. She now said it important i find someone asap, and you know what I didn’t dispute it because yes i would like to find a suitor..

She invited me to a BBQ and i met her partner and his friends. I was introduced to the girlfriend of one of the friends, who I am pretty sure hated me instantly, (i dunno why I am fabulous) lol. So this girl, lets call her Monique (cant remember her name) and say Moni for short. Moni insisted we took pictures on HER mans phone which she sent to HER phone of me and everyone else… (and i looked HORRID) you know when you were caught mid speech? anyway that is not the point of this story but I was a bit embarrassed so i had to share that moment. I just kept thinking ahh I bet she sent it to a group WhatsApp or something… (am I being para?) Anywaaays…

Throughout my time at the BBQ my friend insisted on telling EVERYONE that I was single and looking to mingle. Moni also thought it would be funny to ask her boyfriend to ask ANOTHER guy if HE LIKES ME.. so yeah i just wanted to crawl into a hole at that point. I just kept thinking “why the hell did i come here?” “Why have i collected another L”?

Anyway by this point I left and told my friend i will call her later, when we spoke she didn’t understand why i felt so bad and just kept saying it wasn’t that deep. Maybe it wasn’t and maybe i was over reacting, but after reflecting I realised I need to think of myself and leave peoples business their business. Like babes I’m happy your in a relationship but no I don’t need to meet his family and friends, just send me the invite to the wedding and ill go buy my hat!

Thanks

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Stay Woke.

Ive just realised that I can’t please everyone. I cant be there for everyone. 01:20am I lay in my bed, hot AF (summer is coming) and dealing with the inner ramblings in my head.

At work im torn, between doing what I am supposed to do and doing what I think its best. Until I realised its about working smarter not harder #facts #staywoke.

Now I am dealing with completing my dissertation my final and last piece of the jigsaw, its been 4 whole years of part time degree study, i have worked… been unemployed.. been overworked and underappreciated. And i never gave up, the long nights, staying in the library till midnight not knowing how I would get home at times but just knowing it will be worth it at the end #StayWoke.

And finally my friends, some will understand but some wont. I feel pressure to please everyone but I cant, yes my snaps show me having the time of my life… because I am. At that moment for 9 secs im having the time of my life. Distance is my only motivator, i need space to think. Those that are there when I come back will be there, those that are not… just wont be. #StayWoke. I am no longer worried about loosing friends, ive been dealing with this long before, so if I am annoying you with my “Sorry i cant make it” “Sorry I have to cancel” “Sorry I have to study” “Sorry i forgot to call/text/reply to the whatsapp message” then I am unapologetically not sorry. Because I am addicted to success and I only have 3 weeks left to do my best.

#StayWoke.

SiSi Caro… is now #27! Lets Tun Up and eat cake!

Hey,

So it has been a little while since I last posted, not for any reason really. Well Ive been trying to get my life on track;

Life Checklist

  1. Join A Gym
  2. Loose FUPA (Fat upper _____ area)
  3. Finish Dissertation
  4. Start Dissertation
  5. Catch up with friends
  6. Take a break with friends
  7. Church
  8. Mum
  9. Husband (as in find a husband…)
  10. Work
  11. Money (as in save money…)…. and the list goes on forever

So amongst all of that, I finally got a chance to write in my blog! #FirstWorldProblems.

Anywaaaay, Its my BIRTHDAAY!! (yesterday) and I couldn’t be happier, honestly this birthday feels extra special. Most of the time, i am trying to find a reason to not celebrate my birthday. Usually because I am in a place in my life I don’t feel like celebrating, either due to my job, finances, love life, friendships or family life. But this birthday… ha this birthday sha was LIIIT!

But now, this year is going to really be the beginning of my adulthood. I will be graduating *pops chamPpzZ* and ready for the next chapter, literally. I can’t lie though I am feeling the pressure around me. My friends as beautiful as they are have always been the closest to me, I dunno I felt most comfortable for the longest time around my friends, however I am starting to feel like a guest in our friendship house. (Let me explain *Kevin Hart Voice*)

Look, people are growing up, we all are but do you ever feel like your ‘growth’ is happening a little bit slower than the rest? So lets start with the most common, BABIES!!. Am I going to be the last passenger to get on the baby train? not everyone around me has kids but the majority either have kids or are on the path to. So when will it be my turn? HEY I LOVE KIDS!

Next.. yep its coming. “HUSBAAND” not to sound like the desperate old woman surrounded by 16 cats, *side note my neighbors recently asked me to feed their 2 cats while they went away, I wonder why they asked me and not any of my other flatmates… am i suited to them the most?? 😦 . So now my prayers to God isn’t Who will my husband be, or where will i meet him. to be honest that is up to me and him, in a way? My prayers are actually WHEN will my husband reveal himself to me?

Its not like I am eager to go straight into marriage *she says as she scrolls through her wedding playlist on Spotify. Yikes! Its just ever since I was young, I wasn’t the one in relationships or had a lot of attention from guys and now I am wondering when it would be my turn to find a life partner? I just wasn’t that girl that appealed to guys in that way I don’t think? Well the ones i liked anyway, getting time wasters was never a problem. I mean I really have had the woooorrst experience with guys, thats a whole new blog post titled:

Caro’s top tips on how to have THE worst date

1. Let a guy offer to take you out on your birthday, only for him to forget his wallet at home

2. Let a guy take you out to dinner, only for him to accuse you of fancying the waiter IN FRONT OF HIM. then laugh really loud like its a joke

3. Let a guy take you a fancy restaurant for a date, only to ask you to pay the bill and he will pay you back later…. and THEN insist you go to his apartment to check out the ‘decorating’.

4. Please click here to subscribe and find out more!

Finally, my career. Now I have to be honest, since i left college I have been pretty lucky in getting good jobs. When I was 19 I became a manager for a top designer shoe brand and ever since then my ambitions to be a succesful business woman has grown! This doesn’t really make me feel alienated from my friends, if anything I just included this part so the whole blog wasn’t about guys! But I am feeling stagnant and thinking when will I have my career life on track? When will I be 100% an whole heatedly happy in my job? and you know what… I probably never will because I have literally in this very moment realized.. I am always going to want more. and thats ok.

So there it is, the 2 main things that make me feel like I am falling behind the GROWTH ladder are about starting a family. I can see it happening around me and feel like I can’t relate to any of their good times and bad times… because i have NO times! Yes I can congratulate you from the bottom of my heart and really mean it, but until I feel it for myself I simply won’t understand.

So all I ask is just bare *spell check is it bare or bear?.. with me.

Awkward Black Girl’s UNITE!

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Yass Issa Yasss..!!! =]

 

Hey people, this is just a quick shout out to @IssaRae and @YvonneOrji well done on your Golden Globe nomination girlssss!!!

I know if you girls are a big deal all the way in the UK then it must be an even bigger deal in the US. Girl Girl Girllssssah you guys be killing it!

You know those group of girls you could easily chill with and just have the best time making sarcastic comments about your life experiences JUST to avoid any awkward (pun intended) moments in public. *BREEEEATHES* These are those gurls!

Let me just break it down some more, I first fell in love with the Insecure TV series whilst scrolling through Mr World Premiere AKA the PLUG! and thinking of what to watch in between the RHOA and LHH breaks. And maaan, ok ok hold on… you know that feeling we all had after watching Being Mary Jane?, like “omg this is my life..!!!” well nothing is compared to how accurate Insecure is, because let’s face it Miss Union got her life together, she got a great job and sexy ass chocolate men as side pieces… where as most of us that could relate only get up to pay the bills and working (well was working, please refer to my previous blog post) a regular, shhmeegular, degular 9-5  in the city! – (Shout out to Cardi B)

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Yes, it was Issa and Yvonne who brought all our insecure thoughts to life and made it ok to literally feel like the AWKWARD BLACK GIRL. 🙂 Not.Everyday.Be.The.Life.Of.The.Party. sometimes just make bad decisions and laugh about it with your closest girlfriend.

Insecure Shoutout’s:

‘Insecure’ Win’s Golden Globe Nomination – Yaaaass

Yvonne Orji – Naija Girls Winning

Issa Rae – Bouta’ change the Gaaaame!

My Quarter-Life Crisis… Shii Getting’ Real!

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This Quarter-Life crisis is real Yo’…!

Yup you heard me, I am experiencing a quarter-life crisis.

“A What…?”

A QUARTER LIFE CRISIS!! Now, for those that don’t know , let me explain (Kevin Hart Voice) exactly what a QLC is.

Quarter Life Crisis noun: “A period in someone’s life maybe around their twenties – thirties where they start to feel doubt about their own life and come to a stand still regarding their career, ambitions, friendships and family. So basically, what the hell have I done for the last 6 years of my 20’s and what am I gonna do for the rest of my life?”

For further info please click here: Quarter-Life Crisis

Whoop there it is the QLC explained, now please understand this term is recognized all around the world… Even Miss Rita Ora shouted out the QLC during her recent interview with Ms Wendy Rita Ora’s Quarter Life Crisis so now you know it’s real if it made Wendy Williams.

Now, I am not sure if there are different level’s to the QLC but I know I am up there or borderline reaching depression, but yeah I am in the top percentile or whatever. Wanna know how?

Ok let’s start off with the most recent of events. I just quit my job. (2 weeks ago)

Yep..

Quit… to be fair it was a sales job so retention in this field is slim to none. But I know it was still a risky move. I just wasn’t enjoying going to work, I hated it literally 0 Job Satisfaction!!!

There will be a post eventually about my career, goals and ambitions once I am feeling more soulful. But not tah-day! 

So what else has me feeling like a QLC victim?… ok I have no clue on what my next move will be and I don’t really seem to be panicking enough – considering the fact that I could be homeless in a couple weeks. (Yes I’ve spoken to my landlord, he confirmed it OK he did say it in a roundabout way) NEXT, my mentor asked me today –

Him (and his fine self): “C, what motivates you to get out of bed?”

Me: *sigh* “Um.. nothing, maybe food?” -_- AND to top it all off for the last 6 months my love life has hit the biggest halt! But I kept that part private, he is engaged and I am not trying to come off like the desperate poor black girl. 

So what do I do…? I dunno I just know that I am at a point of my life where I could look back in the past and think, Yes! I once had it all…

This time last year…

I once worked for a top fashion brand for 7 years, literally was the envy of all my friends (in a non hater kinda way). I knew what I wanted to do, I even worked my way up hitting them $$$ ya’ll! THEN was all of a sudden told I was ‘underperforming’ and my department was going to be restructured. So I left and tried something new… went into sales. Ew. nuff said.

Back to the gloomy present day…

Here I am and just hoping that after my BSc degree finishes next year (part-time Business Psychology course i’m studying) I can start to explore the world, life and all its glory to get out of this slump! – Who knows if this will even solve anything! kmt, but hey I’ll keep you updated anyway.

CallmeYem. or CallmeSoonToBeHomeless. #AtleastMyDataUnlimited. #SilverLining.

Farewell Africa…

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It was fun while it lasted. Men can be International Dogs.

Back in the ends! London.. what up?

So, where do I begin. Overall I had a really amazing experience in Nigeria, my time was spent mainly in Abuja with a quick 3 day fly over to Lagos to visit the family. Being in Abuja for a friends wedding surely opened my eyes to a lot.

  1. First of all if you want to live like a King or Queen, build your house from scratch and own 3 cars..you can do just that no questions asked!
  2. Secondly, nothing is given without a price. Whether it’s visiting family or friends, ensure you have some change at hand.. Na’ whatIMean?
  3. Thirdly and lastly, Men can be dogs internationally. A different area code does NOT change the fact that a man’s brain is in one place.. but more on that later.

Moving on… the wedding was beautiful, to see two people who are clearly best friends wed each other was heart melting. However it was not exactly an easy week, it was me and my friend that travelled from London to Abuja. She was the chiefs bridesmaid so clearly had a significant role to play, I was happy to just go on holiday and eat cake but it didn’t exactly go to plan.

Day 1: We arrive the day of the bridal shower, We both brought a lot of stuff from London for this event and we were super soaked to surprise the bride to be! The event turned out amazing and although we were running on no energy, no sleep we were still pumped to make sure she had an amazing time.

After this it was on to the after PAAAARTAAY… which is where I met him.

Ok so all the bridesmaids (10) friends of the bride and groomsmen went out the first night and had an amaaazing time! drinks flowing bottles popping. One thing about me is I don’t look for a dance partner or a man to speak to when i’m out having fun, as long as I got my girls we gooood (however on this occasion I had happened to be introduced to a nice young gentleman through the groom.) aii cool whatever..

Day 2: Slightly more chilled day, we got some sleep yay. but now it was time to help the bride finish the last bits ahead of the wedding. AKA time for the stress to begin,

Day 3-5: Travelled to Lagos to visit family, but was filled in with all the gossip by the chiefs bridesmaid! – started texting the boy by this time although convo was a lil dry in the beginning (don’t you just hate a pretty face?)

Day 6: Last day before the traditional wedding, by this time nothing is going right. The bride does NOT have her wedding dress, the bridesmaids dresses are still being altered, the bride is stressing. Our money is going faster than we thought since it seems like its the only thing available (please refer to point 2 at the beginning of this blog post.. Ow kayy then). – still texting the boy, convo is better but not sure if he’s just being polite or what?

Day 7: Day of the traditional wedding.. ok so after being in the tailors since 6 am, (gotta love those Nigerian tailors) and having 4 dresses made in 6 hours (not including the brides dress.. this is still in working progress) but our dress for tonight came out BEAUTIFULLY and yes I was looking on fleek. =] – Met up with the boy and things started to go well, he asked for a dance we were getting closer, could it be that I found a decent guy in Abuja? well.. let’s have a look at the next day.

Day 8: DAY OF THE FORMAL WEDDING, ok so the bride has her dress!! we literally had to go to plan A,B,C,D,E,F,G,…Z to find a bridal dress rental shop ONLY TO BE TOLD the dress will arrive the next day at 11am. Talk about cutting it close you say? . So now we are here at the venue, the bride is happy looking amazing, I’m feeling good, let’s be honest ladies it doesn’t hurt to make a little effort for the right person does it?.. well in this case it did hurt.

Once the wedding finished and it was time for the after party, me and the boy caught up started talking laughing and dancing. I wasn’t and I repeat WASN’T looking for any holiday romance or potential suitor (although my family wanted otherwise) however If I happened to meet a nice young man I didn’t think it would be any harm.. well it was.

So, as the night is going on, I am noticing the boy is talking to a lovely young lady not to far from where I was, ok he knows her that’s cool, oh ok they are exchanging numbers is it? ah no worries not like we were exclusive, oh now they are going off to dance? no worries I can do my own thing, oh now everyone is between them trying to get them to dance together.. hmm does he know this girl? oh wait WTF are they kissing?

…and breathe.

So it seems, the boy and the girl are a in a situationship. Now trust me I am not the kind of person loosing any sleep over another guy I just met tongue wrestling another girl in front of me. however.. am I entitled to feel a little bit tiny bit embarrassed? Hell Yeah!

Last Day of Trip: So it’s the last day, conversation between me and the boy has obviously whittled down to the bare minimum, but it’s ok I still have some space on my face that does not have any egg on it. until later..

While me and my friend are packing, acting like fools dancing to whatever is being played on the TV, the newly wedded bride asks us to come out to meet her and her husband and cousin for a few drinks. I really am not keen on going SINCE the brother of the groom clearly has a crush on my friend, so I start to smell a little third wheel situation looming which is the last thing I needed, any how I decide to go and be a good sport.

BIG MISTAKE.

Once we arrive, within 29 seconds the bride informs us that she is too tired to stay! Her and her husband bids us a farewell and we are left with the groom’s brother and their cousin and wife. Can anyone see the egg now loom on my face once again? Yes I became the THIRD WHEEL. I’m talking sitting down next to a guy and girl whisper sweet nothings in each others ear, while you are dressed in your tightest dress for no reason third wheel. I simply couldn’t take it, I asked my friend if she was ready to go and we left.

Now I know this post is a little longer than necessary.. but it was vital I got this out here so I can breathe, exhale and move on.

But like I said.. overall I had an AMAZING holiday.

 

Hello World.

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Grandma’s house, Nigeria Onipanu

Time: 23:26

Location: Onipanu, Lagos

So i’m here, in the motherland 2nd time in 1 year and 4th time ever. Can I just start by saying how beautiful Africa is!

Ok, so this is my first post on a blog.. ever. I gurantee nothing. #facts I have longed to start a blog! I am not exactly the most creative or artistic bean, nor do I expressive myself well. But yes I do have life experiences that I wouldn’t mind sharing. So that is  just what I will do. Share. 

Top 5 things that inspired me to start a blog whilst on my travels to Abuja/Lagos:

  1. Discovering that my travel buddy and long time bestie has a journal. We spoke in length the importance of documenting your key life, feelings and emotions. Just to remember and reflect on that moment…
  2. Realising how beautiful my country Nigeria is, And hoping to inspire more London born Africans to get to know their heritage. #Don’tLetAnyoneMisspellYourSurnameAnymore!
  3. Reading another blog whilst facing slight Insonmia in this tropical heat.
  4. Expressive thoughts > Surpressed Thoughts.
  5. My Mum & Issa Rae.

Just to clarify, my posts will often be a mix of my key life experiences and general ramblings. 

Today has been humbling to say the least, I flew from Abuja to Lagos for a few days to visit fam before heading back to Abuja for a friend’s wedding. I do love my homeland, much more than I anticipated to, I think it’s just the people. Yes that’s right I love my African People.  As soon as the heat graces my skin, it felt like home. “Hey you look like me…ay is that my cuz? Yoooo they just ran a red light!”

H.O.M.E

Nigeria is loud, full of life, work, struggle and family. You can be anyone here and live your life full of unexpected exictement. What is most humbling to me is the love they have for one and other, we recognise what needs to be changed here in our country. We love it same way. I think what I will do for my first post is just summarise my thoughts in a few words and what is yet to come from me. Yemi

Love.Hope.Heat.Fear.Anxiety.Happiness.God.Mum.Blessed.Strength.Future.Money.Help.

CallmeYem.